Artist / Author or Author / Artist?

06/12/2018

 

I don't know what the hell I am. I have to design a new banner thing for live art and author events and I don't know how to describe myself in a way that doesn't sound stupid and is authentic. I'm too cheap to buy two banners so this is my happy medium. It should say:

 

Mike Wehner: Creative multi-tool, emphasis on tool. But really if you can make stuff up with it he probably does it. He draws, he paints, he plays, he sings, he writes, he rhymes and he gets eight hours of sleep almost every night.

 

This is how I imagine visits to this table will go.

 

Oh, you're selling novels?

Yeah, but...

Who wrote it?

Me.

What's this?

A painting of a lion on a sand dune.

Who painted it?

Me.

WHAT IS THAT?

That's an illustrated poem. Before you ask, I wrote it and drew it. And that's a Wolverine made of ink. And that's a pastel landscape. Those are watercolors for kids. That's a portrait of a dog and that's a portrait of some kid. That's Jim Carrey. That's a gouache study of Hieronymus Bosch because I liked how it sounded. That's a visionary oil painting on paper. I DID IT ALL AND GUESS WHAT THIS ISN'T EVEN WHAT I'M GOOD AT. GO GET ME A GUITAR. I DON'T HAVE KIDS, OK. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

 

Then they walk away, not impressed but deeply concerned.

 

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